The past two mornings I have been up since 6 am. One reason is to take Danny and allow Kate to sleep a little bit longer, until I go to work. However, the second reason has been to go for a daily walk while pushing Danny in the stroller. The second part has not been working out too well. Here I am dressed, but with no motivation to put on my jacket, let alone walk out that door.
I don't know if it has to do with the fact that Danny is sleeping and I don't want to disturb him, or if it is the fact that I just don't have the motivation period. I'm trying to find my desires again to work out, but I think I do understand where the lack of desire is coming from. However, knowing where the problem stems from, and being able to overcome that problem are two different things.
The fact of the matter is, and honestly I'm not sure if this is truly the real reason, but it is the main thing I can think of. The fact is I was working out when I got the call, the call I never wanted to hear. While working out on weights is when my Mom called me, telling me that the CT scan of my dads brain was not good at all and that they don't expect him to live much longer. I quickly dropped the weights, turned off the tv and ran upstairs to get Kate. I then ran back downstairs and called the doctor myself to see if maybe my Mom was wrong. Sadly, she was not wrong, the doctor informed me of what had happened and told me to come quick to say my goodbyes.
I know in the end that this may well be just an excuse, but it is very difficult to overcome that thought. I pray soon that I'm able to overcome the road block. Very soon, so this does not get out of hand.
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