Realization

*First off as a personal note, not once when I started writing this did I ever think I'd have over 4,000 views. I'd like to say thank you to everyone and if I have just helped motivate one person that is such a blessing.  Secondly I'd like to say thank you to Karen O'Dell, she has helped me look back at my past blogging and realize just how important my weight and health are to my family.  I'd also like to say thank you to my wife, my life would never have had changed so dramatically if not for her.*

With everything that has been going on it got me thinking about a week ago.  I reflected back on just when was it my dad's health took a turn for the worse and how was I going to make sure that it does not happen to me?

My dad at the age of 37 had his first heart attack.  When I actually think about that it's crazy to realize that I am 29, only 8 years from when my dad had his first heart attack.  My father passed away at the age of 54, my Grandfather at the age of 46, my Uncle David passed when he was 54, lastly my Uncle Larry passed away when he was 57.  Each one of them having a different heart complication that helped end their lives prematurely.

Now I don't want you to think that each one of them where unhealthy due to their own decisions, none of us are perfect but many people live way beyond what they had the opportunity to.  There are many people out there who are way unhealthier but are blessed with stronger hearts.

What I have to take out of this however is the fact that heart troubles run rampant in my family.  With that knowledge and  the knowledge that I already have congenital heart disease, I have to watch out for myself for my families sake.  First step I need to take is to get pass the depression, turn what happened to my father into a strength and allow myself to use what has happened as a learning tool.   I also know that I need to keep making my father proud.  Being told by him that he was proud of me was like a life's achievement.  Now I need to make sure I keep it that way.

So, today I weighed in at 195, I want to get down to 170 if not a little lower, get rid of the pouch on my front and finish what I started.  Wish me luck.   I will keep you all updated.

Trying to get there

The past two mornings I have been up since 6 am.  One reason is to take Danny and allow Kate to sleep a little bit longer, until I go to work.  However, the second reason has been to go for a daily walk while pushing Danny in the stroller.  The second part has not been working out too well.  Here I am dressed, but with no motivation to put on my jacket, let alone walk out that door.

I don't know if it has to do with the fact that Danny is sleeping and I don't want to disturb him, or if it is the fact that I just don't have the motivation period.  I'm trying to find my desires again to work out, but I think I do understand where the lack of desire is coming from.  However, knowing where the problem stems from, and being able to overcome that problem are two different things.

The fact of the matter is, and honestly I'm not sure if this is truly the real reason, but it is the main thing I can think of.  The fact is I was working out when I got the call, the call I never wanted to hear.  While working out on weights is when my Mom called me, telling me that the CT scan of my dads brain was not good at all and that they don't expect him to live much longer.  I quickly dropped the weights, turned off the tv and ran upstairs to get Kate.  I then ran back downstairs and called the doctor myself to see if maybe my Mom was wrong.  Sadly, she was not wrong, the doctor informed me of what had happened and told me to come quick to say my goodbyes.

I know in the end that this may well be just an excuse, but it is very difficult to overcome that thought.  I pray soon that I'm able to overcome the road block.  Very soon, so this does not get out of hand.

Loss of motivation

First off I want to apologize for not my previous segment.  These past two months have been very hard on me.  My diet has taken a hit, although not as bad as it could be.  However, it seems like I have lost all motivation to my diet and workout routines.  No longer am I really watching what I'm eating, in fact a few days back I ate something that I previously would have passed up on.  I can't seem to control myself right now when eating foods I should avoid like pizza.  Sure that shouldn't be too bad once in a while, however I'm again in the funk of not knowing when to stop and eating past being full.

Losing my father May 21st has been devastating.  I'm extremely happy to have the gospel in my life and have religion so strongly in my life.  Honestly, if it was not for having those in my life I don't know how I would of handled losing two of the closest people in my life in just an 8 month span.  I have a feeling it would have involved drinking, sleeping, and just not doing much.

I'm hoping to come out of this funk soon, I keep trying to motivate myself to get back to working out and eating right.  I'm only at 192 so I have not taken too big of a hit.  I have to make sure however that this does not get out of control.  It is hard, it is real hard.  I'm thankful for my wife and kids who keep me active, but it has to turn around and I need to start eating for health again.  Easier said then done, we'll see what happens...