The football gift...

The gift that never gave... thankfully.

     Growing up I always would hear the same thing be told to me, "You look like a football player. " This had to do with my broad shoulders, and stocky look.  I would then be asked the dreaded question of, why don't you play?  Over and over I had the same answer, my heart and doctor will not let me.

     It was tough growing up and not being able to do something you loved.  I would watch television and desire to play. I would play on the ps2 and have the same desire.  I would play with my friends and almost always be one of the best players that were there.  However, I would run out of gas quickly.  My breathing would become hard, my heart would start to race, and I would feel the arrhythmia start to take over my heart.  This would be my reminder to why I couldn't play football for a league.  

     All throughout football season I would watch others partake in the sport that I loved.  I would dream of playing for the Huskies, I would dream of catching a touchdown pass from my favorite quarterbacks, or running over the defense on the way to a touchdown, or making that game changing tackle in the backfield.  I eventually became angry with the thoughts and the truth of the situation.  I hated God because of the limitation that had been put on me.  I felt here I was, just a kid, with skills that could take me far in a sport I loved, but I couldn't use them.  How dare He do this to me.  

     I struggled to understand why things were the way they are.  I didn't want to be limited in what I could do.  The truth hurt, and so did the questions of those who did not know my past.  Why didn't I play football?  I could only wish that I knew then what I know now.  One bad hop and my career could have been over, then what?  Instead I'm able to raise a wonderful family, work and do the things I enjoy, not be worried about some lockout, and things like that.  If I had become what I desired I would not have a life that was unimaginable. 

     We may want to fulfill our desires, but if it is not in our plans then we have to understand there are reasons for this.  Dwelling on the past or dwelling on things we cannot do will only get in the way of things that we can achieve.  If I just dwelt on the bad of my life, I never would have met my wonderful wife Kate.  I would not be just three classes away from my bachelors degree.  I would not have the life that has been created.  

    It took a long time, but I have realized that dwelling on the can nots in life will only get in the way of the can's.  Our paths are usually altered for a reason.  I never would have had my beautiful wife and children if mine wasn't, and I thank Heavenly Father for that. 

My heart

One thing I've noticed...

     These past few weeks there has been one change I have noticed while losing weight.  This change has been settle but non the less, has occurred.  It is the most exciting thing that has occurred during my diet.  It's not the weight I've loss, the energy I've gained, or the muscles that have been built.  It has to do with my heart.

     I have always had trouble with my heart.  From not allowing me to do sports, to the palpitations I would often get, and even the weird feelings I would get and would stop my life for a few minutes until it felt back to normal.  It has been a struggle and one that I at times was not willing to battle out.  Now that I am losing a lot of weight, I have notice the best change out of everything!

     No longer do I seem to have the palpitations.  I feel like a new man.  My heart does not act up getting out of the shower like it often did for some reason.  No longer does it bog me down when going for walks, or exercising.  This has been my greatest accomplishment to date.  I feel like a new person and have at times even felt like jogging.  Sure it's only a few feet, but I have never had that feeling before in my life and it is a new experience.    

     The question that has started up in my mind is how far do I push it?  I have had my ICD go off on four different occasions on me, and that is not a feeling I wish to have happen again.  But yet there is this yearning inside of me to jog, to play basketball again, or even just to power-walk for a few minutes. 

      So for now I sit here wondering what would happen if I Did try these?  I have a watch that monitors my heart, but would that be enough?  I guess I just keep on at what I'm doing and wait and see, but yet those desires to do the things I haven't been able to in years pull at my heart.  We'll see what happens, for now, one more step at a time.

I'm on a see-saw!!!!!!!

The see-saw effect

     201... 205... 203... 206... 202... but at least it has not gone to 210, then again it isn't 200 either.  It can become pretty annoying when your weight keeps alternating like the numbers above.  This is something I have been experiencing the past week or so.  It can be tiring, but I know in the end all of this is one big learning experience.

     What I take from this journey is knowing that in the road of life there are always speed bumps.  Nothing is going to go as planned.  So as one of my favorite songs go, I need to put my shoulder to the wheel.  Weight loss has been an amazing experience.  Where would I be if I would have given up the first time I didn't meet my goal?  Or stopped when I gained instead of lost?  

     I know that I will meet my goal very soon of dropping under 200 pounds.  I know that it is going to keep on taking hard work and determination.  I also know that my objective of weighing 170 will be reached as well.  These things take time and effort and I'm ok with the bumps in the road.

     For now, however, I'm going to keep on this see-saw for as long as I need to until I break through the barriers that are in front of me and destroy my goal.  What I take and learn from here will only strengthen me and prepare me for my next objectives.  One step at a time!  

I broke myself down and started over...

I found myself...

     Once I peeled my onion away and looked at what there was, I was amazed at what I had let myself become.  For once in my lifetime, I eliminated everything I had been told about myself and how society told me I should view myself.  I was tired of all of the negativity and how it affected not just me, but also my family.  No longer did I want to allow what the media wanted, but instead what was needed for me, my relationship with God, and my family.  So once I peeled away everything and broke myself down now it was time to find myself and see just what type of a person I was and could be.  

    First thing was first, I had to look at myself and tell myself just how I truly felt about me.  I eliminated all of the negative and began a new foundation by realizing that I am a good looking guy.  We are all good looking people, we read in the scriptures that our bodies are a temple.  How dare I say that God's temple was not a beautiful thing.  How dare I question His creation because of what the "media" said I should be.  I needed to realize that it is not about what they think, it is about what God has create and what I think, and my wife with her words helped that situation as well.  We are all temples of God and with that said, God does not create ugly temples.  If you let society tell you different, you are falling prey to them and it is time to cut out that crap from your life.  

    I started to realize that yes I am one of God's great creations.  So with that said, why should I keep up with my body and my weight.  Then I realized that indeed this was too important.  Going back to the idea that your body is a temple I started to ask myself why am I putting so much crap into it?  It's bad enough I looked down upon it with my society influence outlook on what I should be, but I am also not taking care of my body!  I am cruising through life and not doing anything to make my body healthy and strong.  

      So I decided it was time, it was time to treat God's temple with the respect and honor it should be treated with.  This meant that yes, I would have to stop eating the way I ate, stop putting chemically altered crap into my body.  Sure, it tasted good.  Sure, it took care of those cravings I had for food.  But what did it do to my body?  IT destroyed my body!  It took away my health and made me an obese man who already had enough health problems to deal with.  I have a heart that won't let me run.  It wont let me be the person I had dreamed of being.  But this, I had to find out the hard way, is not about me.  The body and condition I have been given was a great blessing by the Lord.  This was me starting to lay down my new foundation, on the foundation of the Lord and the realization that he gave me this body knowing, knowing that I could take the ball and run with it.

     It was never in his plans to have me be some athlete or a mountain climber, or anything that takes a strong heart.  I needed to change my life and explore my deep down inner self to realize God knew what he was doing when he gave me the health conditions he gave me.  My foundation was finally laid.  I knew at that point what I had to do.  I knew that I could trust in the Lord, in his temple, in his creation that he knew what he was doing.  It has taken me 27 years to come to terms of my health.  It has taken me 3 months to change my life.  In 3 months I have laid down a new foundation.  That foundation is attacked daily but it holds strong.  


    I finally see me for me, not for what holds me back, but for what I have been given.  No longer am I going to allow society to influence my decisions.  I'm not going to let them determine how I feel about my body and I'm eliminating all of the negative words I use to think about myself.  I'm building back up my foundation, brick by brick, using the foundation of God and Jesus Christ.  My foundation laid, my bricks are going into place, it's a new life now.  I have taken control of my eating, I monitor almost daily what and how much I eat to know that my body is getting what it needs, not what I want.  I'm done with junk food, I don't need it.  I have eliminated most sugar (I don't eat anything with more than 10g of sugar in it).  Since I have decided to rebuild the temple that God has given me I have lost over 35 pounds, I sit right now at 210.  It is doable, this to me has not just been about weight loss anymore but a new lease and purpose on life.  I love my life now and all the blessings that I have.


Count your blessings
Remember you are one of God's temples
As we read in 1 Corinthians 3:16–17 

“Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?

“If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.”

The choices we make about the use of our personal temples will affect us throughout all eternity.

Yes... I have been there

Hold On...

Before I get too deep in this I want those who read this to know I have been there. I have had depression, I have thought this is it, and that I didn't want to live again. I'm not spouting off stuff that I have not myself experienced. I want you to know that I have been there, maybe not as deep as some but the battle is all the same. We all have an experience to learn here while on this Earth. We must rise up against the opposition in our life and overcome all of our short comings. We can do this, I will do all I can to help you on my side, but you have to pull your weight as well. Stop with the excuses, stop telling yourself you can't because you can do this, let's do this right here right now!

Proof is in the picture (taken in October 2009). Posted you see me with my Titan's jersey I bought after getting my ICD. This shirt right here was a 4x, no I did not fit it but my goal was to. I was so depressed that I felt this was my end result, I didn't care how fat I got and I knew deep down I wanted to fit that shirt. I didn't care how long I was going to live, all I knew was I was going to live the way I wanted to. I started to question my purpose on this world and why had God sent me here to just have complications and now more limitations than I knew what to do with.

I didn't care anymore, I wanted to waste away and enjoy all of the food I could. I drank, I ate, and the most activity I had in my day was walking from the computer to the fridge. When you don't feel needed by anyone and that it is just you against the world what was the point?

The point is this, God loves you! He wants you to prosper and gain knowledge and seek the best for yourself. If you are married like I became, you find out that there is so much to live for! My wife, my kids, and myself. I needed to change and so I decided that I was not going to let myself fill that shirt. If you are not married, there are still those who love you and want the best for you! I can tell you right now, God loved you so much he sent his only begotten. It's time to learn to love yourself and to cut the crap. It's a battle but you and I can do this! We can defeat the demons that are haunting your life and start one step at a time.

This is me now compared to my 4x jersey, I can fit a little more than two of me in this shirt. This shirt when I put it on makes it look like a dress now. No longer is my goal to fill this shirt, it is to inspire others to overcome their deepest ravines and rise above it. I have overcome these demons and continue the battle to this very day. Let's do this, lets keep walking in the path of righteousness and improving your health! Start off small, the first thing I want you to do is open up an account at Sparkpeople.com. This place will give you the start you need, come back tomorrow for more!

I've been there, you can over come the demons with me!
Be strong!
One step at a time!
It's time to breath courage into your soul!

The Beginning

(2008, 265 pounds)

Why am I doing this?

In 2005 my life took a major turn. Being born with a heart problem (Transposition of the great vessels) I knew one day that my heart would need to receive help from an outside source. Growing up was hard, I was not able to do much in the way of cardio, playing sports was hard, and I could never run more than a lap around the track before becoming winded and having complications. This lead to weight gain all my life and always being obese. In 2005 I went up to Spokane, Washington to do some physical tests for a heart doctor I started seeing after having palpitations while working.

With the exercise done it was time for the bad news. My doctor had seen that while doing this stress test my heart entered dangerous ventricular tachycardia that could possibly continue into a string of them and causing heart failure. So besides just going onto a day's load of medicine it was also suggested that I obtain an ICD be placed into my heart. After three surgeries and the implantation of the device I was sent home to start my new life. Depression set in, and then one day while outside trying to do some landscaping my device went off and shocked me, knocking me back and almost to the ground.

I was 25 years old, I had a pacemaker, I couldn't do anything that required too much physical effort, and I felt trapped. How was I going to lose weight? How was I going to become healthy let alone ever raise a family? Depression set in heavy, I gained more weight than I ever had and ballooned up to 290 pounds.

At the beginning of the next year I met my wonderful wife Kate. She brought me a family to live for but I still didn't improve myself. I stayed at the weight and only slightly lost, I was content at being obese and didn't think of how my decisions affected others. Then Kate and I decided to join a gym and I decided to try and lose weight, enough was enough and I needed to change my life, for myself, for my family, and for my future.

Every time I would lose the weight it seemed that something would happen. I would get hurt, I would get into a car accident, I would gain the weight back and it felt like a never ending battle, so although I was only now down to 260 I decided that is where I wanted to stay. I was still obese, I was still eating whatever I wanted, how much I wanted, and didn't care about what it was doing to my body. I lived my life how I felt I should live it. In September 2010 I took a good look at myself, a good look at my body, and decided I hated what I saw, I hated that I gave in and decided to just accept myself for what I was. I knew that it was enough with the talking, cut the crap, and start showing people that someone with my limitations can indeed prosper and lose the weight.

With my wife's and her parents help I was able to start changing my eating habits. I decided enough was enough with the excuses, I needed to cut out all the crap of my life and live for myself, my family, and my health and to show and motivate others that they too can do it! If I wanted to help others better themselves, I had to better myself first. I want to motivate others, I want to show you that you can cut out the crap in your life and that you too can follow the same path I did and get your life back!

I am going to be posting blogs as often as I can, from what I have done to what I am doing. I want to teach those who want to listen, and help those who want to be helped. I'm not doing this to give myself a pat on the back, I'm doing this to change lives! You don't need a gym, you don't need a nutritionist, what you need is to cut out the crap! Stop making excuses, stop telling yourself you can't do this because lets be honest, you can! Since being 290 pounds I am down to 212. I have lost 78 pounds. In January of 2011 I weighed 245 and was again just coasting. In just three months I have dropped 33 pounds by cutting it all out.

Follow my blog, I'm going to keep you updated, I'm going to give you tips and let you know how I learned to prosper, I will have recipes for you to try, and exercises that will make your body feel better and you feel better. This is the beginning of your change, you are going to come out of your cocoon with me. I'm not done, and I know there are many of you out there that want to start and make yourself a better person.

Do this for you
Do this for your family
Do this for your health
Do this to improve your life and fall in love with yourself!






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