Tragic news=Tragic situation

This past September I lost my childhood friend in a sad unexpected way. Jason Mertz was one of a kind. His death left a hole in me my heart and emptiness in my soul.  This has lead to me not being in the right frame of mind to either exercise or write on my blog.

Through the struggles I have had a hard time keeping my weight at where its been.  I have not been caring what it was that I have to eat.  I have been eating a lot more candy.  I have also not been exercising or going for walks.  It has been a struggle to get my engines back running.  Luckily I have not gained much weight, only about 7 pounds.

Losing someone can make it really hard to function and return back to your everyday self, let alone be able to lose weight.  However I will be able to reflect back on memories and use them as motivation as I get myself back to losing weight and my goal of getting to that 100 pounds lost goal.

I remember this last time we hung out, we went down to Lincoln City for a weekend to enjoy the beach.  Jason was upset that he was no longer able to call me a fat head.  He was so impressed with the amount of weight I had loss that he decided he needed to search out a new nick name, I think he was going to just stick to big head haha.  

Jason suffered from Aspergers, so fathead was not a big deal to me growing up, that was just Jason being Jason.  Whenever he gave me a hard time I knew deep down how much respect and love he had for me.  He would tell my wife Kate multiple times just how proud he was of me, how much he respected me, and that meant so much to me.  Even though he could never really tell me, knowing how he really felt made me feel really good about myself.

I always admired how he would be there for my family and I.  Whenever we needed help, he would be there to try and fix the situation.  I feel bad I was not around him more than I was, but we always will have those feelings when the time becomes too late.

I know he is in Heaven right now and doing his all to get me to get back to losing weight again.  I have felt him near me many times and know that I need to keep going.  He was always impressed at how much weight I am losing and encouraged me to keep it up.  I know even beyond the veil he still is rooting for me.  I need to take this new motivation and keep on my path of weight loss.  I'm close to the 100 pound lost mark, and need to destroy that goal before working on a new one.  

Extra motivation and help

Walking with friends and family

     A few days ago my wife decided that we would start exercising together as a family.  This morning was the first attempt at this.  The kids were all for it, so we started by turning on some good music, doing a few stretches, and decided to go on a walk.  

     Walks are much more entertaining when you have others to join you.  It was a lot of fun being able to walk with my kids and wife and enjoy each others company.  I would highly recommend finding someone to go with you when you take your walks, it really makes it more desirable.   

     Now instead of fighting with myself on whether or not I will be going for a walk, I would have to fight with my kids and wife too.  That is not something I plan on doing, I've learned.  It is nice to have that extra motivation and drive from others who are excited to exercise.  I think this will help me get over the hump that I have been stuck on for the past few weeks.  I still have more goals to meet.  

June 1st weight loss update!

Unit	May 1st, 2011	June 1st, 2011
Weight	203	198
Waist	39.5	39 in
Hips	38	37 in
Waist to Hip	1.04	1.05
Body Fat %	28.3	27.6

My heart

One thing I've noticed...

     These past few weeks there has been one change I have noticed while losing weight.  This change has been settle but non the less, has occurred.  It is the most exciting thing that has occurred during my diet.  It's not the weight I've loss, the energy I've gained, or the muscles that have been built.  It has to do with my heart.

     I have always had trouble with my heart.  From not allowing me to do sports, to the palpitations I would often get, and even the weird feelings I would get and would stop my life for a few minutes until it felt back to normal.  It has been a struggle and one that I at times was not willing to battle out.  Now that I am losing a lot of weight, I have notice the best change out of everything!

     No longer do I seem to have the palpitations.  I feel like a new man.  My heart does not act up getting out of the shower like it often did for some reason.  No longer does it bog me down when going for walks, or exercising.  This has been my greatest accomplishment to date.  I feel like a new person and have at times even felt like jogging.  Sure it's only a few feet, but I have never had that feeling before in my life and it is a new experience.    

     The question that has started up in my mind is how far do I push it?  I have had my ICD go off on four different occasions on me, and that is not a feeling I wish to have happen again.  But yet there is this yearning inside of me to jog, to play basketball again, or even just to power-walk for a few minutes. 

      So for now I sit here wondering what would happen if I Did try these?  I have a watch that monitors my heart, but would that be enough?  I guess I just keep on at what I'm doing and wait and see, but yet those desires to do the things I haven't been able to in years pull at my heart.  We'll see what happens, for now, one more step at a time.

Break The Walls Down

Breaking down a wall...

     Breaking down a wall can be very tough when it comes to your weight loss adventure. When starting, I set up many goals on the way to my main objective.  The biggest one was the passing of the 200 mark.  This wall, once miles away, is now at my doorstep.


     For years I have been over 200 pounds.  Honestly, I can't tell you how long it has been. I would have to say that the last time I was under the 200 mark would be sometime right before going into high school.  For years I just didn't care about my weight or what I was eating.  Looking back I wish I could take back what I was doing and change my behavior.  Of course this applies to many different situations in my life.  


     The main reason I didn't care about my weight was because I couldn't be an athlete.  So why not just eat the way I wanted to?  Food was good and I didn't want to miss out.  I didn't even think about the fact that the medium pizza I just ate was 2600 calories.  It was good and that was all that mattered.  It may be a little late in life, but I have realized that there is more to eating than, "It tastes good."


     Back to the point, 200 is huge to get under.  I didn't think it was even possible.  I figured I may just have to stay at 220 and call it good.  I have now proven that wrong.  For a week or two I have been close to going under 200.  The see-saw battle I was in finally unveiled a victor.  This morning I stepped onto the scale and on the screen popped 199.  Excited I called Katie into the room just to show her.  This has been one of my goals from the beginning.  Once unachievable, it is now life altering and a new motivation to keep going. My sledgehammer hungers for more walls to break down, and I'm ready for them!

I'm on a see-saw!!!!!!!

The see-saw effect

     201... 205... 203... 206... 202... but at least it has not gone to 210, then again it isn't 200 either.  It can become pretty annoying when your weight keeps alternating like the numbers above.  This is something I have been experiencing the past week or so.  It can be tiring, but I know in the end all of this is one big learning experience.

     What I take from this journey is knowing that in the road of life there are always speed bumps.  Nothing is going to go as planned.  So as one of my favorite songs go, I need to put my shoulder to the wheel.  Weight loss has been an amazing experience.  Where would I be if I would have given up the first time I didn't meet my goal?  Or stopped when I gained instead of lost?  

     I know that I will meet my goal very soon of dropping under 200 pounds.  I know that it is going to keep on taking hard work and determination.  I also know that my objective of weighing 170 will be reached as well.  These things take time and effort and I'm ok with the bumps in the road.

     For now, however, I'm going to keep on this see-saw for as long as I need to until I break through the barriers that are in front of me and destroy my goal.  What I take and learn from here will only strengthen me and prepare me for my next objectives.  One step at a time!