Feeling Better but new problem

Since being diagnosed officially with depression I am starting to feel better and feel like I am able to do more.  However, with my living situation and not being able to really establish any type of routine or exercise regimen.  I know that I need to start exercising again and I hope to get there soon.  It's just going to take time, dedication, and being able to create some sort of schedule.

However, now there is a new problem, for the first time in years I was able to get my blood drawn.  I got the test results back yesterday and for the most part everything tested out just where it should.  My cholesterol was good, my good cholesterol was good, but my bad cholesterol was too high, including for having heart disease.

So it looks like I have to start a new diet.  Not only do I have to cut the carbs out of my diet, I'm going to need to cut down on one of my favorite foods... Cheese.  Basically everything that has saturated fat in it, I'm going to need to cut down on.  Red meat and cheese are the biggest influences in my diet.     I don't mind cutting out the red meats, I've been doing that for a year now, eating more turkey meat than anything else.  Cheese is going to be the hardest one.

I'll keep you all updated on how this goes, I need to lower that cholesterol, I don't need to have a heart attack anytime soon.  It's bad enough to know that soon I need to have another surgery to replace my battery in my pace maker soon.

Facing Depression

So yesterday I went to an actual family doctor for the first time in years.  I went to talk about a rash I have had on my right arm for years and wanting to finally get it taken care of now that I finally have insurance.  While there I also wanted to get a general health care check up as well, while looking at my new patient paper she noticed that I have been having trouble with grief as of late.  After talking for a few minutes about my father she wanted to know if there has been anything else that has been going on.  I explained to her about losing my best friend back in September to murder and my second mother at the same time.  Then to top that off while all this recent stuff has been going on we are moving, buying a home, and just had our fourth child born.  Needless to say the diagnosis wasn't too hard to figure out.

So now I am hoping that the meds I have been prescribed will help me control my aggravation.  On top of that they should allow me to regain some of my energy and motivation that I have been lacking since the loss of my father.

This battle has been harder then the battle to lose the weight it seems.  I'm now up two more pounds and really struggling to regain my motivation to start losing weight again.  Well see if things change soon, I hope they do.  I know what I have to do, but knowing and being able seem to still be far apart.  

The football gift...

The gift that never gave... thankfully.

     Growing up I always would hear the same thing be told to me, "You look like a football player. " This had to do with my broad shoulders, and stocky look.  I would then be asked the dreaded question of, why don't you play?  Over and over I had the same answer, my heart and doctor will not let me.

     It was tough growing up and not being able to do something you loved.  I would watch television and desire to play. I would play on the ps2 and have the same desire.  I would play with my friends and almost always be one of the best players that were there.  However, I would run out of gas quickly.  My breathing would become hard, my heart would start to race, and I would feel the arrhythmia start to take over my heart.  This would be my reminder to why I couldn't play football for a league.  

     All throughout football season I would watch others partake in the sport that I loved.  I would dream of playing for the Huskies, I would dream of catching a touchdown pass from my favorite quarterbacks, or running over the defense on the way to a touchdown, or making that game changing tackle in the backfield.  I eventually became angry with the thoughts and the truth of the situation.  I hated God because of the limitation that had been put on me.  I felt here I was, just a kid, with skills that could take me far in a sport I loved, but I couldn't use them.  How dare He do this to me.  

     I struggled to understand why things were the way they are.  I didn't want to be limited in what I could do.  The truth hurt, and so did the questions of those who did not know my past.  Why didn't I play football?  I could only wish that I knew then what I know now.  One bad hop and my career could have been over, then what?  Instead I'm able to raise a wonderful family, work and do the things I enjoy, not be worried about some lockout, and things like that.  If I had become what I desired I would not have a life that was unimaginable. 

     We may want to fulfill our desires, but if it is not in our plans then we have to understand there are reasons for this.  Dwelling on the past or dwelling on things we cannot do will only get in the way of things that we can achieve.  If I just dwelt on the bad of my life, I never would have met my wonderful wife Kate.  I would not be just three classes away from my bachelors degree.  I would not have the life that has been created.  

    It took a long time, but I have realized that dwelling on the can nots in life will only get in the way of the can's.  Our paths are usually altered for a reason.  I never would have had my beautiful wife and children if mine wasn't, and I thank Heavenly Father for that. 

The Shocker...

It was shocking to say the least...

     So people who read this blog may wonder just why it is a big deal that I desire to do things like jog around, play basketball, and things along that line.  First off, always being overweight it didn't take long for me to become out of breath and have my heart start acting up.  This would quickly end any sort of moving around.  However, up until I received my ICD implant I was able to do those things, even if just for a short amount of time.  Since the implant, I have not been able to play basketball or anything in that nature.

     A few months after having the device implanted, my parents and I moved into a new home.  I wanted to do something really cool with the landscaping in the backyard.  I decided I would dig out the back hill and create a type of garden that would go down the hill in tiers.  After planning how I would accomplish this and after getting the materials was ready to set off to work.

    I had dug out quite a bit over a period of time with no problem.  However, one day while digging I started to feel something very weird and different go on with my heart.  Suddenly I felt my device do a couple of weird beats followed suddenly by what I can only explain as being so powerfully punched in the chest that I almost fell onto my backside.  The taste of electricity engulfed all of my senses.  A dark cloud quickly washed over my day and a fear had started to be instilled into me.  

    This was the beginning of a new anxiety and fear being instilled into my mental state.  I started to become fearful of doing too much and knew that there were now many things which I could no longer do.  It killed me inside knowing that many of the things I loved were gone.  It was the true beginning of my depression and gaining of weight.  I no longer wanted to do anything more than just live carefully, it would only get worse later.

Its all in this magic pill.... I promise you!!!

This Pill can Solve Everything!

     Did you know that you don't have to change the way you eat!?!  Eat all you want, how you want, when you want, and you my friend can still lose all of the weight you desire!  What is this magical new product that will allow you to conquer your weight problem?  I will tell you right now, the new magic, we are going to speed up your heart, destroy your kidneys, make you into a leaky car, and just might drop a couple pounds off of you!  Now doesn't that just sound awesome?!?

     Fact is there is no such thing.  This is one of those classic cut the crap moments.  Some of these pills may indeed help you lose the weight you want, but at what cost?  I can tell you right off the bat, your stomach is going to be your worse enemy for the time.  Weight loss pills are going to do a number on your stomach.  

     There are many dangers in over the counter weight loss pills.  Both the herbal and non-herbal varieties present many dangers.  In my humble opinion it is not worth it.  Side effects include; nausea, nightmares (yes nightmares), heart palpitations/arrhythmia,vomiting and so much more.   


     One diet test done on herbal diet weight loss pills presented very interesting results.  3 years later 100 of the participants had some kind of kidney problem, 10 years later many of the participants developed urinary tract cancer.  This is not the answer.  It is not worth the impact that these pills can have on your life, including when there are other alternatives.


    What are these alternatives?  Well of course you can get surgery, you can starve yourself or other options that are out there.  However, these are not recommended and unnecessary.  What you need to do is eat Subway twice a day, walk everywhere you go, and become famous!  Haha ok just kidding, I love Jared but let's face it, we all can't afford that and there are other and better options (although Subway is very good).  


     Here comes the words that we all hate.  The best alternative to weight loss pills is changing your diet.  There is no such thing as a magic pill that allows you to eat everything you want and lose the weight you desire to lose.  If there is, trust me, it will make you pay in other ways.  Now, there are some foods that can help you lose weight.  I will give you a brief look at some of these pills, for I plan on talking more in depth about the best super-foods for you in a later blog.

1. Fiber-  Of course fiber is going to be first.  This will help you keep your pipes clean, and everything moving through your body like it should.  Of course it will help you also lose weight.
2. Eggs-  New research has proven that eggs do not give you the type of cholesterol that we all fear.  It has taken me a long time to believe this.  In fact eggs have so much great nutrition for you that this is a must in every diet!  
3. Spices- Spices are awesome!  The best ones being cinnamon, chili peppers, mustard seed, ginger, black pepper, and turmeric are huge boosts to your body.  Cinnamon is natures natural blood sugar stabilizer, chili peppers gets your blood flowing in a natural and healthy way, and ginger helps boost calorie loss.
4. Protein- Protein helps you in many ways.  After exercising I am sure to eat at least 30 grams of protein, this helps build muscles and in return muscles help burn fat and calories.  It can also help you lose blood fats.
5. Water-  Water goes a far way in helping you lose weight.  From making you feel fuller to keeping you hydrated and moving.  A healthy amount of water is essential to losing weight.  

     Keep this in mind the next time you are looking at a diet pill.  There are better alternatives that won't wreck your life.  These alternatives in fact will help your life.  I love you all, God bless you!

Yes... I have been there

Hold On...

Before I get too deep in this I want those who read this to know I have been there. I have had depression, I have thought this is it, and that I didn't want to live again. I'm not spouting off stuff that I have not myself experienced. I want you to know that I have been there, maybe not as deep as some but the battle is all the same. We all have an experience to learn here while on this Earth. We must rise up against the opposition in our life and overcome all of our short comings. We can do this, I will do all I can to help you on my side, but you have to pull your weight as well. Stop with the excuses, stop telling yourself you can't because you can do this, let's do this right here right now!

Proof is in the picture (taken in October 2009). Posted you see me with my Titan's jersey I bought after getting my ICD. This shirt right here was a 4x, no I did not fit it but my goal was to. I was so depressed that I felt this was my end result, I didn't care how fat I got and I knew deep down I wanted to fit that shirt. I didn't care how long I was going to live, all I knew was I was going to live the way I wanted to. I started to question my purpose on this world and why had God sent me here to just have complications and now more limitations than I knew what to do with.

I didn't care anymore, I wanted to waste away and enjoy all of the food I could. I drank, I ate, and the most activity I had in my day was walking from the computer to the fridge. When you don't feel needed by anyone and that it is just you against the world what was the point?

The point is this, God loves you! He wants you to prosper and gain knowledge and seek the best for yourself. If you are married like I became, you find out that there is so much to live for! My wife, my kids, and myself. I needed to change and so I decided that I was not going to let myself fill that shirt. If you are not married, there are still those who love you and want the best for you! I can tell you right now, God loved you so much he sent his only begotten. It's time to learn to love yourself and to cut the crap. It's a battle but you and I can do this! We can defeat the demons that are haunting your life and start one step at a time.

This is me now compared to my 4x jersey, I can fit a little more than two of me in this shirt. This shirt when I put it on makes it look like a dress now. No longer is my goal to fill this shirt, it is to inspire others to overcome their deepest ravines and rise above it. I have overcome these demons and continue the battle to this very day. Let's do this, lets keep walking in the path of righteousness and improving your health! Start off small, the first thing I want you to do is open up an account at Sparkpeople.com. This place will give you the start you need, come back tomorrow for more!

I've been there, you can over come the demons with me!
Be strong!
One step at a time!
It's time to breath courage into your soul!